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Nor is anyone else. During a great early sexual encounter with a trans man, I told him I didn't know what to do for his body or how to make him feel good. I told him that when I get in submissive headspace, I like when guys call my hole a pussy or cunt. Trans men are not a fetish. These are the beautiful milestones of queerness that most of us share. It's OK to have sex goals, but as the last point illustrated, fetishizing transness — like fetishizing blackness and fetishizing folks with HIV — is harmful and dangerous.
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16 Things I Learned From Having Sex With Trans Men

If you meet a sexy trans guy in a bathhouse or sex club, you don't have to have a long, sit-down discussion of preferred words, permissible sex acts, and so on. People who fetishize HIV-positive folks think we're all infectious sex maniacs eagerly spreading our "toxic" seed to anyone unfortunate enough to have sex with us — a concept that contributes to the demonization and criminalization of HIV and adds to HIV stigma. When we talk about gay and bi men, that includes gay and bi trans men, too. Doing so is not only respectful of a person's pronouns you don't know — it's also one small step in a massive social movement to challenge binarism and take down archaic notions of gender. The sexual tools at his disposal are endless — he has his hands, mouth, fingers, strength, breath, and body weight, along with a myriad of sex toys, strap-ons, insertables, and more that exist. Don't be afraid to ask what kinds of touch are wanted. One past playmate, in particular, taught me more about my kinks than I knew and pushed me to new levels of understanding with my body. Every 'they' and 'them,' even for people whose gender identity you think is obvious, is a small, vital step in a better direction — one that carves space for genderqueer and nonbinary people. Flirting is a universal language.
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This idea reduces transness to a surgery and contributes to anti-trans hate. As a cis gay man, I will never know what being trans is like. I'm not a big fan of oral sex, and could happily cut it from my repertoire without much concern. I talked to some transmasculine friends while writing this piece, and several explained that many people assume trans men are only interested in women. That's good — now I remember to ask. Guys who fetishize black men generally proliferate the negative, racist image of men of color as 'sexual beasts' ready to dominate white men with their massive penises — a dangerous idea that goes back to colonialism and claims made by racist pseudoscientists that black men are more attuned to baser, animalistic impulses like sex because they are less intelligent, less human than white people.
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Man has sex with boy

Description:Some guys feel the same about anal. That life is behind me. I had to learn sex with trans men through their patient teaching. And people who fetishize trans men tend to fetishize a false, trans-negative image — the subservient man with a pussy, eager to bottom for a dominant alpha-top. Always ask for a person's preferred pronouns at the beginning of conversations. Sex, too, is not all about parts and anatomy, and focusing too much on physical acts ignores the powerful mental, tactile, romantic, and explorative sides of human sexuality. In time, she softened. That's what it's like to think about that name. A majority of my experiences with trans men have been dominant-submissive with me as the sub. It's not all about surgeries and body parts.

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