Written by Oluniyi olajide.
Heey stoppp, stop what you’re doing there olongbo! ‘‘, Stand up and let me see your hands’’, the invigilator barked furiously, beads of sweat dripping down his gaunt face.
I arched my head hurriedly putting the tiny piece of paper in my mouth, chewed hastily and swallowed the disgusting piece of paper I had brought into the examination hall.
‘‘ogaa, how va wetin I do na,’’ I said as Innocently as I could but my igboo (weed) hardened voice betrayed me, I sounded more like a stoned dominic purcell.
As I slowly stood up I could feel all eyes turn towards me, the hall was filled with spill over students writing our final make over examination.
My ‘G’ lambo three sits to my right woke up startled. That high bastard.
‘’Na for whish zoo dem carry dis wan come from na, I neva see im papa before na.. bastard wan spoil show’’ I mumbled, visibly irritated by this new invigilator.
The invigilator started towards me, a movement between triple paced steps and a hungry cheetah’s stride..kpaaaa kpaaaa gbooo! Three heavy duty slaps landed on my cheeks, I was shocked. As I held my red hot cheeks in bewildment, the invigilator held me by the collar.
‘‘where is the piece of paper you were writing from’’,
‘’tisaa, I no no wetin u dey yarn so, shey u mean answer paper?”
I replied smiling coyly
‘’ shey ode lo pe mi ni’’, still holding me by the scruff, he shook me violently. I was starting to get pissed.
I was really boiling inside and I was sure he noticed the wicked change in my demeanour because he released his tight grasp of my collar immdiately and then held me by the belt…
Excited chatter filled the examination hall. ‘’ shut up, I saiddd sharrappp,keep kwayet…..eyin omo oloribu,’’
Immediate silence was estabalished.’’ shey dis man never shit finish since ni’’,
I knew who he was talking about. The second invigilator left the hall about 20 mins after the paper started, now we all know where the bastard went.
’’F****king glutton’’, he murmured‘’, you know I have warned you several times today, first I caught you stretching your tiny neck, I left you alone. Second time, you were dragging your friends answer booklet because he didn’t want to give you willingly.
Now I caught you with EXPO…’’, wos wos wobi, tie ti baje leni yii’’,.
‘’Oga tisa, I no do anything na, make you farabale no go get hypatenshun oo, you die b dat niyen o.
well I go chop for ya burial sha’’, I said staring him straight in the face. He was taken aback by my evil courage, a lil scared I must say.
He turned to lambo smiling ‘’hello my good student, did you see olongbo with any piece of paper, the EXPO. I know you will tell me the truth wont you’’,
Looking confused lambo flailed his hands in the air‘’,me ke, tisa I no knw anything o I swear ontop ma mama grave. Oga, as I dey I no knw wetin expo be, I neva see am before for my life sef.
For my family we no dey do am”, hmmm oga tisa, for my mama death bed, she call me for one corner tell me say ‘ my son no do expo o, your papa no do am, your grandpa sef no do am, me sef no do am’. Naso she die oo’’,.
‘’So tisa I no see anything, make you cooluu ur temper, time dey go’’,.laughter filled the air. We all knew lambo was high. Well I was too, but was doing a dammmnnn good job keeping myself solid.
The invigilator sighed, he knew without evidence and nobody willing to come forward with the truth, the case won’t stand in a senate hearing.
Upon realizing I will get away with my actions, he raised is left hand to hit me. I jerked back instinctively and dodged the oncoming missile. Unsettled by my reaction, he stumbled and fell face forward. Seeing him sprawl helplessly on the floor ignited my inner demon.
I started raining blows, kicks on his head, hands and ribs. I made sure I didn’t hit his face to eliminate any evidence of assault. lambo stood up and started kicking him furiously too.
I ignored the man’s squeals and almost breathless pleas.’’, you no fit die ‘’, i continued.
After about 2mins of dealing with the bastard invigilator and unbearable shrills of excitement by our colleagues. Lambo and I stopped and dragged him to his chair.
He just sat there staring blankly at the ceiling. The examination continued.
15 minuts later mr lasisi, the second invigiltor came back. Upon seeing him, he stood up lightening fast from his chair and narrated all that had happened to mr lasisi.
‘’I hia say pesin bulaa my colleague for here’’, lasisi started
I didn’t stand up, the whole class started murmuring.
As mr lasisi came towards mee, I felt no emotion, felt no fear.’wetin apen’
‘nothing sir’ I replied coldly ‘ me wey be say I neva folo anybody talk since’
The invigilator started running towards me with his fists clenched screaming liarrrr liarrrr.
‘’after all the beating I give dis man im still fit waka’’, I mumbled irritably
Mr lasisi held him back.
Upon questioning me and the whole class. We all denied the allegation
“Na even oga slap olongbo, e dey beat like say 2moro no dey”, the usually quiet ekute blurted out.
The invigilator started sobbing, cursing and swearing….
’’oga you knw say dis omo satani children no get future, as per say evidence no dey u gats to forget the matter be dat o’’,lasisi said without a tinge of pity.
‘’I cannot, I cannot forget this matter, mi o gba rara, ahannn……emiii, emiii’’
I could see lasisi was getting impatient ‘’ oya dey go senate nigbayen” he blurted
Angrily he left the hall, went into his car and drove off.
Lasisi went outside to double check if he had really gone, gave me a nod and then brought out the answers to the exam questions he went to solve..’’ olongbo no forget transfer me the money o’’
I collected the book and screamed ‘’ eyin oloriburuku students answa don land ooooo’’
‘’ ttuaaleee olongboooo babaaaaaa’’ the hall chorused