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Happiness Day: How to avoid depression – Expert

Aisha Bubah, Counselling Psychologist, Network for Psychosocial Support, Africa (NPS-Africa), has advised Nigerians to take care of their mental health to avoid depression.

Ms. Bubah said this in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Tuesday in Abuja to commemorate the International Happiness Day.

“If one is in a happy state means less of troubles, stress and better well-being; if one is unhappy there will be depression, suicide, anxiety and stress disorder.

“Depression is a significant problem that has affected some youths which has made them to be drug addicts.

“Drug addiction is being experimented due to the poor state of mental health and seeks temporary pleasure and satisfaction,” she said.

Ms. Bubah said there cannot be health without mental health, saying one should be surrounded with positive people for well-being.

Besides, she urged Nigerians to share their thoughts with positive people to enhance their mental health.

“Constantly surrounding yourself with positive people will help manage stress. Buying expensive clothes, jewelleries will not bring permanent happiness.

We need to create time for relaxation and look beyond the economic situation of the country; we need to focus on positive in every bad situation,” Ms. Bubah counselled.

She said being happy impact on one’s level of productivity at workplace, adding that happiness also impact relationship with people.

However, she advised Nigerians to avoid sedentary lifestyle to be happy as it could cause more harm than good.

The International Day of Happiness is commemorated on March 20, annually by the United Nations to recognise the importance of happiness in the lives of people around the world.

(NAN)

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Top 5 Most Dangerous Places In Lagos (Must See)

This is done not in an attempt to belittle residents of such area rather this article serves as a wake up call to Government agencies saddled with the responsibilities of making Lagos state a better place for all and not for some selected few.

This list below shows “Top 5 dangerous places in Lagos” that needs the full attention of the government.

Places on this list form the core areas that have been classified unsafe due to environmental hazards, health hazards, lack of development, security breaches and criminality.

Sit back see our list and reasons for making the list of top dangerous places in Lagos state.

5. MILE 12/ KETU

Ketu and environs like other parts of Lagos on this list is a peculiar spot for hooligans who function most effectively at nights.

Alaperu district of Ketu is also noted for property scam of all sorts. Killings and kidnappings are common features of this area of Lagos that is not too far from Ikorodu.

The crime situation here got so serious that the government had to build a police station to checkmate the activities of the criminals that have been having a field day in the area.

Two years ago, guns and ammunitions, local charms among other dangerous weapons were discovered when the Lagos State government demolished ‘Ajelogo’ market, a sub section of Mile 12.

At night, snatching of mobile handsets from commuters who sit at the window side of buses/cars, is also a common trend.

The Popular Mile 12 market, where many Lagosians converge to buy, sell and possibly steal is one of the busiest and filthiest market in Lagos.

Its presence in the Ketu/Mile 12 district is one of the reasons why there is usually traffic congestion in the area.

Attacks are carried-out both day and night in Estate bus stop at Alapere.

4. MUSHIN

Mushin, town, Lagos state, southwestern Nigeria is a densely populated suburb of Lagos city, and its inhabitants are mostly Yoruba people.

Continuing expansion from 1950 led to problems of overcrowding, inadequate housing, and poor sanitation.

Mushin is the site of a large industrial estate. Commercial enterprises include spinning and weaving cotton, shoe manufacturing, bicycle and motorized-cycle assembly, and the production of powdered milk.

Agricultural produce is brought for sale in the large central market.

The town is served by secondary schools and has a hospital. Mushin lies on the railway from Lagos and at the intersection of roads from Lagos, Shomolu, and Ikeja.

adjacent to the main road to Ikeja, and is a largely congested residential area with inadequate sanitation and low-quality housing.

Mushin is one of the dangerous areas in Lagos State. It was formerly referred to as ‘Mushin Olosa’ meaning “Mushin the den of thieves”.

Though, Mushin has other fine areas and has also produced bundles of talents and men of integrity, the big ‘M’ city as fondly called has other deadly spots where drugs, marijuana and others are sold freely.

Places like ‘Oduduwa’ Street, among others are somewhat unsafe for strangers most especially at night.

3. AGEGE

This is another area of Lagos State where street urchins usually establish their dynasties. The black spot is known for selling of hard drugs like cocaine and marijuana.

Petty thieves thrive in this zone while rape, mugging, bank robbery among other social ills have become a mainstay. The area is an haven for miscreants.

Among other deadly spots in Agege include: Akerele near AP filling station, Oke-koto, Kasumun Street, Agbotrikuyo, Pen Cinema, New Oko-Oba and host of others.

Residents of Old Abeokuta Motor Road, Abattoir in Oko-Oba and other areas in Agege, Lagos, have had to cope with the offensive odour from the abattoir located in the area.

Apart from the health hazards and damage to the environment, the abattoir is a stop over for flood any time it rains as most of the drainage around are blocked by refuse discharged from there.

The area is always flooded as the canal from Fagba to the abattoir and another one in Oko-Oba Estate are blocked completely.

The disgusting odour which is a source of worry to the residents in the area is as a result of flushing of blood and other wastes from slaughtered cows into the canal.

On a lighter mood, one good thing you can’t take away from this place is its affiliation with the popular ‘Agege bread’.

Several stories abound about the genesis of this bread. One version has it that the bread began to gain prominence in the early ‘70s. As the story goes, it was first produced in Agege.

From there it eased its way into other parts of the state. Originally known as Ayokuno Bread, when it attained a degree of popularity, it became known as Agege Bread.

The National Youth Service Corps Permanent Orientation Camp is located at Iyana-Ipaja Road,Agege.

Agege boast of very few industries, it is the hub of the Popular Aluminium Village which connects with the popular Abeokuta Express road.

2. AJEGUNLE

This one has no rival when it comes to the number one spot. Ajegunle is king of them all, in fact other areas ‘dey learn where AJ dey’.

Ajegunle is probably the biggest and most ‘unsafe’ ghetto in Lagos. It is a highly populated district in Lagos that gives credence to the extent of poverty and economic hardship in Nigeria.

Ajegunle juggles an eclectic mix of ethnic groups and religions who manage to co-habit harmoniously despite the harsh living conditions. AJ city as its popularly called is a jungle of some sort; an haven for criminals.

Open engorged sewers, a valley of garbage, frustrated and mean faces are some of the interesting sights to behold when you visit Ajegunle.

A place where the quest for survival is at its highest and where the average young girl is expected to become a mother before her 18th birthday.

Although the town is located on the outskirts of Lagos, near the sea, residents are forced to live with the constant challenge of water scarcity as water surrounding this part of the state is heavily contaminated with sewage and refuse.

This scarcity has led to the boom in the water selling business. You can live in AJ for free but what happens afterwards can’t be guaranteed.

Nonetheless one thing you can’t take away from Aj city is the closely knitted communal bond regardless of their population, little wonder there really hasn’t been any widely reported case of widespread violence asides crimes perpetrated.

In spite of the harsh living conditions, this section of Lagos State is popular for producing some of Nigeria’s greatest musicians and footballers.

Stars like Daddy Showkey and Taribo West have their pasts rooted in Ajegunle. This probably accounts for the sense of pride its inhabitants have for the area.

Boundary bus stop in Ajegunle popularly referred to as the ‘one million boys’ gang territory where criminals attack passengers in vehicles is a no-go area for visitors.

The popular Tolu complex; where 37 schools struggled for space is situated in Ajegunle.

1. IKORODU

Located close to the Lagoon and sharing boundary with Ogun state, this area has been a hotbed of violence & Killings by a stupid group called “Badoo” in recent times.

From kidnapping to riots to communal clashes, Ikorodu is the Lagos epicentre for cult activities. In June, suspected militants invaded Ilara in Ogijo, a community in the area, causing mayhem.

Those are the top 5 unsafe zones in Lasgidi.

Do you think we miss any place out? Do you live in any of these?

Drop your comments.

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[A Must Read] How To Write A Perfect New Year Resolution That Works 100% Perfectly

Hello Everyone,

Happy New Year to everyone who read my Articles and dropped their comments. I so much Appreciate.

I Pray the Good Lord will grant all our heart desires no matter how little our Income compares to our Wants & Aspirations 🙏

Are you making a resolution for 2018?

If so, I have a word for you all.

Let’s Go!

Warning:- More than half of all resolutions fail, but this year, they don’t have to be yours (I mean yours won’t fail).

The Truth:- The sad truth is that most of us can’t keep our New Year Resolution alive for more than a week after stepping into the New Year.

Here’s how to pen down the right resolution to improve your life and how to achieve them. Hence, becoming part of the small group of people that will successfully achieve all the goals penned down in 2018.

Let’s get started 👇

1. Don’t Call It New Year Resolution

99.9% of the New Year Resolution fails because we call them “New Year Resolution“. It’s advice able to call it “My Plans“.

On the last day of the year, most of us sound and make promises to do away with some Negative things as if we are changing our Brains and to do things the proper way.

Call it “My Plans For 2018”, hold on to it and keep it in your head/close to your heart dearly.

2. Make It Very Short & Only List Tangible Ones

Most of us tend to pen down a long list and promises to act on all. We’ve to be sincere with ourselves, it won’t work.

Pen down a Moderate list, let’s say just 5 things to do. Once you start with this 5 things, I bet many things will change for the better in your life.

For me, I promise never to Procrastinatethis 2018 and am holding on to it. Living a life without Procrastinating will change about you for the better.. From your business to your family and your everyday life.

So, why pen down “I will do my work very well, I will make my family happy, I will read my books and face my study”, Saying No to Procrastination will definitely put an end to the things I mentioned earlier, So pen down “Saying No To Procrastination” instead of that long list.

3. Give Yourself A Timeframe To Execute Each

You sincerely have to be true to yourself. Now you are doing penning down your New Year Resolution, We are already in the New Year, Act Immediately.

You don’t have to wait till it’s February before you start executing your New Year Resolution sorry your Plans.

If you pen it down to take your Business serious in the New Year, start doing it right away and start with the Biggest and boil it down to the simplest.

You promised to take your Business to the next level and you listed the things to do e.g Get a Bigger Office, Buy Internet Routers, Buy New Laptops for your Staffs, Get a New Air Conditions etc.

If you have the money to get a Bigger Office, do that right away. If you don’t, instead of waiting to save up for the new Office, you can just get the Internet Routers, the Laptops, then save up for the Office and when that is completed, you can go ahead to get the Air Conditions.

4. You Must Have An Order Of Preferences When Putting Up Your New Year Resolution List

Get specific with your resolutions by giving yourself actual goals to achieve and not imaginary goals.

Just like I explained in the 3rd point above, you can’t buy Air Condition then save to get a bigger Office. You need to get the Office first, then the AC.

You must pen down your list in a proper arrangement and not some Arrangement like getting an Engine Oil before buying a Car. Ko le werk.

5. You Have To Be Hard On Yourself If You Really Wish To Improve Your Life

We all pen down this same list every year and hardly work with it after few days 😩

Good things don’t come easily. We all love to become a better person but like my Mum used to say “Good Things Come Out Of Mean Action“.

We all love to be the Owner of that Successful Business, the owner of that Latest Car and that Biggest Mansion but the discomfort that comes with Spending money on the things that matters is hard.

We all know the results that comes out of spending some good money on our Businesses but yet, we still won’t want to spend that money. Instead, we pour those hard earned money on Drinks, Cloths, Girls and silly things that won’t help our Business.

Why is this so? – I don’t know, but this year, am going to disgrace the Devil 😋

The END!!

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Who Eats the Head of the Chicken in Your Family?

I remember those trips to the market.  Walking to the section where the chicken sellers converged.  But before we even got there, you could smell them.  And hear them too.  The chickens, I mean … not the sell–


Oh, never mind!

Finally, we would see them jammed together in cages.  They always looked like there were too many of them there in a cage.  But, we would pick the ones we wanted, and depending on the “plan” for that day, the person selling the chicken could slaughter them, remove the feathers and clean them for a fee.  Or we could take them home and you know … do the same thing. Except that we didn’t get paid.  Obviously.

Afterwards, we would season and cook the chicken.  More often than not, it would be made into some kind of stew.  And then, came the moment of truth:

Who ate what part?


For the children, we didn’t get to choose. We got all the weird parts like the chicken wings, etc.  One of my aunties loved eating the head and the hands (or are they legs?)

But, hands down, the person who usuallyate the chicken head was my father.  No controversy.  It just was.  Why? Because he was the head of the family.  End of story.

We did not have to make the same decision if we bought that imported chicken/turkey (the frozen one) because the head was always missing, along with other vital parts that Nigerians consider delicacies.  And I realized that the same thing happens here in the US too. 

You walk into a grocery store and more than likely, the chicken is already wrapped in clear plastic.  No head in sight.  In fact, some kids who grew up here apparently don’t even know what a real chicken looks like or where it comes from.

No, kids!  Chickens are not raised in Wal-Mart!

I guess, if you take that into consideration, then you can understand why seeing a whole tilapia fish would freak out some cashiers.  They’re so used to seeing just parts of the chicken AFTER processing (e.g. chicken breast and wings) and have no idea how a chicken goes from live animal to seasoned, cooked and nestling among vegetables on your plate.

Just as with other aspects of Nigerian culture (depending on what part of the country you’re from), eating certain parts of an animal depends on seniority, family taboos, etc.  It makes me wonder how much of these cultural beliefs and traditions are passed on to the next generation, and which ones are lost in translation, so to speak.  Kind of like that coconut water myth

I haven’t laid eyes on a chicken head in years, but believe me, I have no desire to eat it.  Drumsticks, thighs and breast meat are good enough, thank you!

Your turn: Who ate the chicken’s head in your family? Was there any particular method for deciding who ate what part? Please share.

There is love in SHARING

Never Let The Child In You Die

When you come into this world, one thing is sure – growth. You will grow old and you will grow up. The former is guaranteed; you cannot control it and it will happen whether you like it or not. The latter you consciously come to. You prepare to grow up and live as a grown up.

Regardless of how any of these two things pan out in your life, I have no doubts that you will be a very beautiful and mature adult. Nevertheless, I have one caution for you. As you grow old and grow up, let the child in you live.

One of the first ironies you will learn is how you will wish to be a grown-up person so quickly when you are a child versus how you will wish to be a child again when you become an adult. I remember how fast I wanted to grow up. My growing up process was too slow for me. I wanted to have all the liberties which came with being an adult, to be in charge and live the way I wanted. Little did I know that adulthood was a venture I was not going to love very much.

Today, I do not regret being an adult. However, I wish the process had tarried. Being an adult is burdensome. It comes with so many responsibilities that make you tired, stressed and sometimes confused. No matter how prepared you are for it, growing up comes at you like a raging storm from all angles and drowns you with its burdens. Only a few people can escape this storm or brave it.

Sometimes, life as an adult can get so unbearable all you want to do is be a child again. For many people, this is an impossibility. Once they transition from childhood into adulthood, they burn the bridges. There is no going back. That’s the mistake many adults do. They kill the children in them and spend the rest of their lives wishing they could go back to being kids.

Elsie, don’t make this mistake too. Never kill the child in you. She will come in handy too many times in your adulthood. Find a special place in your life to tuck the little adorable girl that you will be. And reach for her anytime adulthood is choking your life out of you. The child you left behind will become your lifeline.

Here’s an experience.

One day, I got an invitation by a friend to submit my CV and cover letter for a job. Sadly, when I arrived at the office, the job had been given to another person. I was shattered. There was nothing I could do other than count that day as one for a failed mission. The failed missions were piling up and I was also getting tired. Before I knew it, I was in tears. I sobbed helplessly like a child.

While I cried, my comforters were quick to remind me to wipe my tears because I was no longer a child. “As an adult, you cannot cry”, they said.

I defied them, reached for the child in me and cried as much as I could.  For some reason, I become all too fine when I let things off my chest by crying. After those tears, I found myself reinvigorated with a new sense of hope that everything was going to work out for me soon.

We are in a society which makes it difficult to rekindle your inner child. As you grow up, family and society will do their best to scrape off all the traits of being a child from your adult self. Do not yield. Let the child in you live. Call it to work when it necessary. Being an adult is good. Taking responsibility for your actions, having access to its associated liberties and fun, deciding your happiness and a whole lot more. It sounds interesting, right?  On the other hand, it is also a tiring experience; one that takes all your joy away.  If you find adulthood too challenging, maybe robotic to some extent, or boring, try these tips I took from Elizabeth Cottrell’s “Connect With Your Inner Self”.

Rekindle Your Sense Of Wonder

Pay attention to your environment. This is something children do. Take time out admire your beautiful surroundings and see how it makes you happy. There are so many things that would strike as you as beautiful, leaving you in world of wonder. You are all going to be all amazement when you pay attention to these things that your otherwise adult-stressed-self would never have allowed you to see.

Reflect On What Makes You Happy And Sad

Many a time, we are too busy getting by as adults that we even forget what makes us happy. We want to find a job that pays our bills and help us afford all the fineries we think would make us happy.

The world has too many sad rich adults and I do not want you to be one of them. Think about what makes you happy and sad. If you find it or them, you would know how to crawl of sadness when it comes and how to sustain your happiness when you find it. Happiness is important, that is why everything you would do later in life must be geared towards making you happy.

Make Time For Play

Think about what play means to you and make time for it. If need be, turn your hobby into a profession. So that as you work, you do not just earn money, you earn joy and satisfaction too.

Be Yourself

I do not what the world is going to look like when you become adult. But right now, the world is constantly trying to turn people into what they are not. In their bid to be accepted, they are everything except themselves.

What most of us do not know is that, it is easier to be yourself. Trying to be someone else is denigrating and a mockery to yourself. Which is why we find too many people who look happy on the outside but are very miserable on the inside.

I hope situations take a different turn by the time you are an adult. If it does not, be yourself, regardless!

Try Something New  

Make time to try something new. It adds spice to your life. Doing the same thing over a long period becomes mundane and boring. Be adventurous.

There are a lot of things to behold and experience. If you can afford nothing at all, get yourself a book or a movie. Read and watch all the stress away. If you can afford to travel, by all means, do so! Visit and experience new places and cultures. It educates you, entertains you and makes you happy.

Elsie, you will become a fine adult. No doubt about that. Cherish these things that I tell you today.  Keep the child in you always alive no matter what. She will be the key to your happiness.

There is love in SHARING

My Doom Day Of Luck

Regret was written in capital letters on my face. Boiled eggs with hot red pepper were the pencils that wrote that expression. If only I exercised a little restraint when I saw those enticing evils.

A few minutes ago, seated by the window at the back seat of the Madina-bound trotro at the LaPaz Main Station, I couldn’t help but fill my belly with three of those magical white balls. The aroma of my tempestuous inclinations drew me in and weakened all my defenses.

When the bus set off, the devil started mocking me for my greed. His laughter manifested in reverberating grumblings of my stomach. But the grumbles were the least of my problems that afternoon. The yoke of the eggs I ate were too heavy for my fragile stomach to bear. A volcanic eruption of fecal matter was imminent.

This was an obvious “Awurade me di nkwasiasem” moment. Except this time, Kofas Media was not available to end the production.

Nature, indeed, has a funny way of dealing with greedy bastards like myself. How on earth was I going to ask the driver to stop on the motorway for me to answer nature’s call? Who does that on such a short journey? I had only two options, to keep my pride and suffer in silence, or plead for mercy and still keep my pride, considering what could happen if holding doesn’t hold any longer!

I closed my eyes to say a prayer, with no idea at all what to ask of God. My mind was clogged with thoughts of possible scenarios of how disgraceful it would be if I could not prevent the unstoppable.

“Mate bus stop! ” I was so loud the mate didn’t need to repeat my request. The driver pulled up and I slowly got off.

We were at Dzowulu Junction. Frankly, I did not know why I ordered the bus to stop at that particular place. My sphincter ani was doing all the thinking and sending impulses to the other parts of my body.

I cast my eyes around the vicinity to see where my salvation will come from. Have you ever got to that point where you want to let out gas, and yet are afraid something else might follow? Well, that was where I was.

The Ghana Petroleum Commission was to my right and the Fiesta Royale Hotel was to my left. Given where I was standing, I would reach the Petroleum Commission faster but I felt in my spirit that the chances I would get in there was low. I never pay heed to these promptings but for once I did. Fiesta Royale it was.

But there was a problem. I had to get across the street. This time, my bowels understood that I needed enough energy to carry my legs and backside which now felt as heavy as a bag of Dangote cement. They, therefore, relieved me of some of the pain and pressure I was feeling.

“Sister, where are you going?” a security man at the entrance of Fiesta Royale called.

“Shit”, I murmured under my breathe when I realized that my dressing could be a hindrance to entering the throne room of grace. My “apuskeleke” pair of jeans trousers and sleeveless shirt were definitely going to get me a red card from this security man.

 “Are you looking for somebody?” the man asked again and walked towards me.

This guy is sent from the devil, I thought. I did not have the strength to open my mouth to give him an answer. I crouched and held my stomach. It was close.

“She’s with me”, another voice called from behind the security man. I lifted my head with a surprise look on my face. The security man was surprised too but who was he to challenge a customer of the hotel. He returned to his post.

“Boss, please, I need to go to the toilet urgently”.

I was shameless. No need for niceties. I was almost there. The man simply chuckled and asked me to follow him. He led me through the compound through the lounge straight to a door labelled ladies. People bowed and doors opened before me as if I was a queen. My bowels loved the attention for it also calmed down. Perhaps it was because they knew they would be released into a more comfortable to pit.

Sigh!

I could not believe my luck as I sat on the toilet seat and let out the first angry soldier. A streak of tear fell off from my eyes. I am indeed one lucky lady, I said to myself.

The goodwill of that day did not end in the ladies. When I walked out of the holy place with beads of sweat decorating my face, the angel who helped me into the hotel was still there waiting for me. He had a smile on his face.

“Thank you”, I said reciprocating his smile with an even broader one while I wiped the sweat off my face.

“Thank me with a drink”, he replied, pointing to the bar.

“What? Who is paying?” I sized myself up to give him the impression that I was not capable of paying for drink in that place and anywhere else for that matter.

“Don’t worry. Come on”. Still wearing that smile.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how I met my husband. You can never tell how kind or otherwise a person is until you have tasted their heart!

Epilogue: My savior angel and I had drinks and talked for over an hour. I totally forgot I was supposed to go give money to my little sister at the University of Ghana. While my boo drove out of the hotel, with me sitting comfortably in the front seat of the car, the security man came to salute us and bid us farewell. I did not fail to give him one long mtchew for what he almost cost me.

There is love in SHARING

Three Virtues I Learned From My Mother

Today, I will tell you about a particularly awesome person. A person I believe deserves all the praise and commendation I can give. She is my heroine – my mother.

When I was a child, if you asked me whom my favourite parent was, my dad would come out before I could process a response. I mentioned my dad as the more favoured of the two with so much joy and enthusiasm. My love for my dad was to a fault and expressing it was reflex so I needn’t think a lot about such questions before giving a response.

I loved my mother too but not very much like I loved my father. And the reason was simple, she was too strict. In fact, at a point I thought she did not like me. What many mothers would correct with a smile, she would correct with a stern look that left me trembling in expectation of the slap or thrashing that might follow.

Therefore, my mummy did not come atop the list of my favourite parent. My father on the other hand, could be equated to Superman. He was my superman. Anytime my mother wanted to beat me, he would intervene.  When his interventions became incessant, she changed her discipline schedules. She would serve me whatever she had to before my dad came back from work. This is partly the reason she was not my favourite parent when I was a child.

Another thing which made her always come second to my dad was that she made me hawk. For a girl who thought she was not from a poor home (indeed, I was not), I detested this act my mother put me through. I could get whatever I asked for without any sweat, my family could afford to satisfy my need without trying too hard. So, I really did not understand why my mother would put me through this.

My father, my saviour, was with me on this for the exact same reason. Try as he did, my mother would not budge. I was not surprised, because she is very obstinate. Once she knows she plying the right path, it would take a miracle get her off it.  Little did I know that my mother was teaching me survival. She was teaching me how to make money, but I was too angry with her to know all of this.

Then I grew up. Things started falling in place, my perspective about issues started changing. I saw these happenings in totally new light. That’s why today, my mother is number one of my list of heroes and heroines. If I had to come back to this life, she’d still make the cut for that selection. Funny enough, the virtues with which she would not have made the cut some ten years ago are the same reasons she makes the cut today.

She is resilient. I’m yet to meet anyone who pushes forward like she does. Nothing is strong enough to prevent her from achieving what she sets her mind to. Not even pain. She has had a chronic ailment for the better part of her life. I have seen her go about her duties in pain like she was fine. She has been a seller since I knew her. She’s hardly idle. Whenever one saw a good reason to make her stop a venture, she would find a better reason to continue. This is what has made her the face of Hausa koko in my current my neighbourhood.

She started this business in our previous neighbourhood. There, we made very low sales. Sales low enough to make anyone back out of a business. But she did not mind. She was hopeful things were going to pick up. She did not stop even though we all wanted her to. Wherever, she gets such stubborn hopes from, I pray I find it. She continued till we moved out of that neighbourhood to a new one. Thinking she was going to rest, she started making enquiries about where she could sell porridge again. And in no time, we were back in business in a new vicinity. We struggled with that too till it became what it is today-a booming business venture.

Put her quest for business away and let me tell you about her passion for knowledge acquisition. She never had access to Western education. She had very little Islamic education. However, her desire for knowledge saw her admit herself at an adult Islamic school when she was around 40 years. By dint of hard work and perseverance, I have seen her knowledge improve over the years. What I find more interesting is that when we moved to a new vicinity, she still found another one to admit herself and continued where she left off.

At 56, her love for knowledge is as hot as a furnace. And she has ensured that we get both types of education.  She moves everything movable to make sure we get it. I remember her habit of showing up at my school unannounced. This habit of hers made it impossible for me to be truant. She would have beaten it out of me if I tried it anyway. I became a lover of education, by choice and by force.

Coming from a community that is plagued with women obsessed in equal parts with the latest fashion item and flashy ceremonies, my admiration for my mother’s commitment to remain oblivious of all this to make us better, grows in bundles. She juggles motherhood, studentship, business and wifely duties in a way that leaves me in awe. She would be my number one heroine every day.

This is how my mother transcended from not my favourite parent to my heroine.

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There is love in SHARING

NIGERIANS SEE CHANGE

Here is the change we see

Economy of low value
What a dirty low down trick
Liqueur of ancient taste
Your agenda of change
Here is our dignity, our peace
Nobleman of ancient linage
Lets taste the race
But to run with force fear
Hard tough fellow
Calm and quiet
Go through your peaces
As the evidence suggest
Responsibility as a father
Disappearing quickly from sight
We could not think of it
You need an even surface to work on
Children do not learn at an even peace
Act in order to avoid an unpleasant situation
Our faces are force with anger
Our mouth can’t even say what we see
The heart so smooth is bitter

There is love in SHARING

ORISUN IYE (LIFE GIVING RIVER)

Life, the one word father used to describe the river flowing between my toes. In awe I watched it froth, taking note of the rocks jutting out; worn smooth by years of constant battle.

 He hadn’t used the word ‘life’ in the manner it currently bounced around my mind. Rather, he had said it in our native tongue. Well, he’d say it was ‘his’ native tongue. Even now I smile, my little package beside me, mind returning to the first time we were on this river bank.

‘Son, I called this forest home as a child, much like you are now.”

Silence, the forest held its breath to hear his words much like I was holding mine. His free hand resting gently on my shoulder he continued.

‘This river you see before you was the life blood of our village.’

Softly, looking into the distance, he uttered these words. Minutes stretched as he lost himself in the past. Quietly i watched him in awe, my hand clasped in his, lost in his grip. I couldn’t help but stare, each callused finger showed such strength, telling a story i would never know.

“Orisun Iye”

Yoruba, melodic in its sound. Sometimes he slips into it during his reverie; forgetting i understood little. Still I loved it, wishing I knew more. A wish I knew he shared. English mother and a life in the Land of the Rising Sun had shattered it.

“Mom…”

An intruding thought, powerful enough to bring me back to the present. Rising, the seat of my pants now damp, I watched the water flow; conscious of my little package. A few years have gone by, still the river remained peaceful. I was no longer the child I had been, yet not old enough to lose the childlike wonder I felt my first time here. Gentle rumbling drew my gaze down, my body spoke to me. Cautiously stepping into the river I felt the current take hold. One with the river. Statue, I became, all motion leaving me. Stillness gave my mind time to wander. Wander it did.

‘Son, it’s time you learn to fish.’

My hand no longer felt so lost in his grip. His strength did not overwhelm me as he tugged me into the churning waters of the Harmattan seasoned river. A chill went up my spine, the water reaching my thighs. Curiosity kept me from splashing back to the safety of the bank. Father held on to me, his strength defying the currents attempt to take me away. Leaning, he whispered into my ear.

“Catching fish here you only need to be still”

Whiskers tickled my neck, a squeal of delight erupting from my lips. Quickly they died down as i focused. It had not been easy till I shut my eyes. Slowly the world around me sharpened and faded. Sounds in a forest I once thought sleepy and quiet came and went. Leaves rustled, courted by a gentle breeze. Wings flapped, a dance beginning in the evening sky. I could hear an antelope lapping water just around the bend, or so I thought. Even this sound faded leaving only the river and what it contained. I could finally hear them, swimming past. Time ticked away, a short lived pleasantness. Father suddenly lifted me out of the water, a guilty look in his soft brown eyes. A voice, foreign to the forest, came from the distance.

“Mom…”

An intruding sound, powerful enough to bring me back to the present. My hands shot out, the fish landing on the bank near my little package. Silently I watched its struggle to cling to life. Father had lied, it did not get easier with time. The river barely reached my knees now, a passing thought. Above the fish I stood, observing our simple ritual. Seconds passed, my thoughts returned to father.

“Odo yi ati Igbese aiye wa, o…”

Father said, voice weaker, a shallow cough cutting him short. He held my hand. No longer did i feel lost in them. Gently i switched our roles, taking his hand in mine. Calluses still remained, I could feel them, their story untold. Father continued.

“o so papo…”

With a thud his head hit the mossy bank of the river. An image of beauty and grace glided past my frozen form.

“Mom…”

An intruding visual, powerful enough to bring me back to the present. I could put it of no longer.My fingers trembled as I gently opened the package. Thousands and thousands of miles we had traveled together; unable to part, lacking the strength to say goodbye. Rising with the lidded container in my hand I faced the life giving river.

“Father we are back.”

I whispered, lifting the lid of the container. It was where he wanted to be. Wind blew, taking father’s ashes to join the life giving river. Through the tears I watched him float away. The river and our lives are intertwined. I’d sought and found the meaning of the last words he’d said on this river bank. One with the river. With a deep breath I gathered in my mind memories of the strength of my father and shouted.

“Odo yi ati Igbese aye wa, o so papo!”

 Thanks  for Reading

There is love in SHARING

See 9 Things You Must Stop Doing If You Want To Be Successful In Life [ Must Read]

Earl Nightingale, American motivational speaker and author, once said, “We become what we think about.” Perhaps truer words have never been spoken. 

The human mind is an incredible thing, and having the right attitude and mindset has routinely been stated by numerous successful people as being a pivotal key to success. Sometimes, however, it is easy to get side-tracked. Situations in life can get in the way of our goals, self-esteem, and personal well-being. Truthfully, success is a subjective term, and everyone will disagree over what constitutes being successful. 
Here are a list of guidelines, however, of some things to stop doing if you want to be or feel successful.

1. Stop Expecting Perfection
Often, we get frustrated when things don’t work out the way we want them to, or as quickly as we’d like them to. We stress over small details, or beat ourselves up for getting one thing wrong, or forgetting to dot one I or cross one T. People are fallible. Mistakes and drawbacks are a fact of life. Nothing is nor will it ever be perfect, and that’s okay.
Stressing out over minute details or things that would have been impossible to get to is unproductive and unhealthy. Start saying that you will do your personal best, because at the end of the day, you’re not in competition with anyone but yourself.
Example: Jennifer Lawrence is someone who everyone seems to be talking about right now, but did you know she was rejected for the role of Bella Swan in ‘Twilight‘? She also didn’t take theater classes. She just trusted her instincts and worked as hard as possible to land acting roles. Obviously, she wasn’t perfect for every role, but she didn’t expect perfection. She takes her failures and rejections well, trying to learn from each situation.


2. Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

It’s always important to know your limits, and people will always try to test them. Human beings are social animals. We want to interact with others and feel like we are a part of something or like we are special to someone else. People also, for the most part, like to please others. Sometimes, however, it’s easy to be taken advantage of. Whether it’s helping a co-worker with something when you can’t really afford to, or loaning a friend money you can’t really afford to give.
Out of guilt, people often say yes to people and situations that they really should say no to. 

Don’t be afraid to trust your gut and say no. Sometimes you can’t stay a few hours later because you had other plans or important errands to run. Sometimes it’s okay to say no to that co-worker that keeps nagging you for help but is really just stalling because they don’t want to work and know you’ll help them.

Sometimes it’s okay to prioritize other things over work. Saying no is healthy. Saying no means that you know your boundaries and can demand respect.
Example: Margaret Thatcher is known as being tough. She was a powerful politician. She also knew during her career when she had to take a stand, and sometimes that stand meant saying no to bad political and economic policy.


3. Stop Negative Self-Dialogue

We all can probably play back in our minds every negative or embarrassing thing we’ve ever done to ourselves, been subjected to, or done to someone else. Whether it’s tripping over one’s shoelaces in the fourth grade, or being fired from a job, wronging someone else, or overhearing someone speaking negatively about us, those thoughts are forever solidified in our minds.
Replaying those thoughts, however, and constantly punishing oneself for past mistakes, is counterproductive at certain points. At some point, it’s more important to learn from situations and move on, instead of psychologically beating yourself up.
The next time you find yourself saying, “I’m not pretty enough”, “I did this horrible thing once five years ago and I’ll never forgive myself”, or any type of statement along those lines, turn off that negative self-dialogue. Look in the mirror and say something kind to yourself. Read some inspirational quotes. Acknowledge that you are taking steps and making an effort to be a better person. Admit to yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and most importantly, that making mistakes is okay.
Example: This article does a good job of listing Steve Job’s failures. We remember him anyway, and we remember him as a pioneer and someone who didn’t give up. When things go wrong, and they often do, it’s easy for us to remember every mistake we have ever made along the way.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of our goals because of that lack of confidence. Don’t give up and attempt to stay positive. Train your brain to think of things in a new, more positive way. Most of all, keep working hard. Failure doesn’t have to be permanent.
4. Stop Focusing On Just Today

Successful people tend to understand the value of a good plan. They plan out their day, their goals, a budget and they plan how much to save for retirement. That doesn’t mean they don’t have fun, though. They most certainly do! They just make sure to plan when it is appropriate and inappropriate to have fun. They make time for productivity and fun, but still save and think about the future.
So, stop just focusing on today and having fun. Think about where you want to be in five, 10 or 15 years down the road! Having a good focus aids in success!
Example: Neil deGrasse Tyson has been in love with the universe and science since he was nine years old. Because of that love, he worked long-term to study the things he cared about. He was accepted into Harvard where he majored in physics, eventually moving on to advanced education. His list of accomplishments would take up another full article in and of itself.

5. Stop Ignoring Your Goals
Stop believing things will just work out for you because you’re a good person. Good things only happen to people who make an effort. A part of making an effort is setting goals for oneself. As evidenced in the previous point, it’s not enough to just focus on the day at hand. It’s important to manage time and set short-term and long-term goals in order to be able to track progress and have something to strive for.
Example: Alan Turing is considered the father of artificial intelligence and computers. He also broke the code to the Nazi encryption machine called Enigma. He faced many challenges along the way, such as the inability to identify with others and being charged with indecency, for which he was eventually pardoned. Despite his personal struggles, though, he managed to break the code for Enigma, saving approximately 14 million people from death and in turn helped end World War 2.
6. Stop Isolating People
Successful people understand that not everything is about work, church or similar obligations. Some things are about family, relaxation, and hobbies. It’s easy to get the impression that everyone who feels or defines themselves as successful probably has no spare time on their hands, and in some cases, that’s true.
However, it isn’t always. Social isolation can kill people. In fact, many successful people have mastered the art of balance. They don’t isolate the people they love because they have large goals or something they want to accomplish. Instead, they incorporate those they love into their goals and hobbies.
Example: According to a recent Forbes article, many leaders feel lonely. However, here are 25 examples of social business leaders who seem to thrive on relationships. It’s okay to know how to work alone and prefer that, but it’s also important to be able to rely on your staff, friends, and family for support.
Involving people in leadership or product processes makes them feel valued and provides valuable feedback. Successful people enjoy that relationship. They also enjoy their time away from their goals and work to spend time with their loved ones.


7. Stop Comparing Yourself To Everyone Else
Successful people understand that the only person they can compete with today is the person they were yesterday. They are too focused on themselves and their goals to worry about anyone else. They don’t want to compare themselves to others because it’s counterproductive. However, they do analyze where they have weak points and are able to genuinely admire people who have mastered things they have not.
There is no use to comparing yourself to someone else. It’s counterproductive and harmful to your self-esteem. It also helps to harbor negative self-dialogue.
Example: Taylor Swift is one of the most successful recording artists of our time, but before that, she was a struggling musician in Nashville playing at small venues and coffee shops. She would turn in demos to various studios, covering a variety of songs.
It was only when she started playing and writing her own music that she got noticed and became the celebrity she is today. She faced a lot of adversity as well. There were people who doubted her skills and told her she couldn’t sing. Her confidence and faith in herself overcame that.


8. Stop Living In The Past
Successful people learn from their failures, but they do not live in the past. They take the skills and lessons they acquired from their failures and apply them to the present and future. Don’t live in your own personal past. Don’t define yourself by who you were. Define yourself by who you are today and by who you’re working toward becoming.
Example: Would we even remember Thomas Edison if he gave up on his ideas before becoming successful? Can you imagine simply focusing on what happened yesterday? So what if yesterday was a failure? Try again! Failure teaches us about what doesn’t work, and helps us get closer to a process that does work. Choose your attitude and control it. Move forward. Remember, failure is feedback.


9. Stop Tolerating Dishonest People
Successful people appreciate other people for their unique traits and gifts. They do not attempt to harm, belittle, or in any way demean others for their own successes or ideas. They are open to relationships with others, but know when to cut the cord, so to speak.
People can be too forgiving when it comes to being wronged, and it’s important to know one’s limits. Successful people do not tolerate negative and dishonest people, because they are too busy loving honest, sincere people.
Example: Everyone. We have all had frenemies. We have all invested in people who did not return our investment in them. Successful people know how to weed these dishonest people out. No one wants unneeded negativity around themselves or around the people they love. Read this article for tips on how to deal with dishonest people.
Emina Dedic is a career student, political activist, and writer. She enjoys investigating and writing about issues pertaining to politics, fashion, business, higher education, and travel. In addition to writing for LifeHack, Emina also writes for Life After Study Abroad and HackCollege. She is working on a book about completing college for a fraction of the regular cost.

There is love in SHARING

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